Classroom Management: Idealism vs. Reality.

One of the biggest challenges for any new teacher is drawing up an effective, above all useful classroom management plan. I have never done one, not really. Oh, there was the crap they have you do in teacher school, but none of that stuff is actually applicable in real life. But you have to have one to be a real life teacher, even if you don't have a model to work from. Because that would just be too easy.

I typed the words "classroom management" into Google, hoping to find a model written by someone who is NOT a Bad Teacher. Unfortunately, most seem to be penned by Dirty Hippies. These tend to call for lots of sitting in circles, holding hands and talking about feelings. One of the first links I pulled up included the following gem:

"The best rule that I have heard and I would believe to be my attitude towards classroom rules is that I need a classroom where learning takes place, and if we can respect each other then we don’t need any other 'rules.'"

This is a wonderful sentiment. I love this idea, that I could walk into a classroom and quantify "respect" in such a way that teenagers will automatically give it to a) me and b) one another. I also like how the author puts "rules" in "quotes." Is he/she implying that "rules" are in fact "cookies" or "dinosaurs?" Will they wander the room feasting on "plants" and "smaller dinosaurs?"

Okay, you're right, I'm just being unreasonable because I don't have any "rules" of my "own" to put in a "classroom management plan" yet. So here's another wonderful sounding, but completely suicidal idea:

"I may try to create a class constitution if behaviors in the class are inconsistently out of control."

I feel terrible for the author of this line. You see, they have probably been stuffed into a locker by their students at this point, if by some miracle they are still alive. It is one thing to start the year with a class constitution. Then it's already in place, the students know it's there, etc. But to draw one up because the students are throwing a Boston Tea Party in the back of the classroom... now, that just doesn't seem wise. And what does the author mean by inconsistently? Wouldn't it make more sense to try to change rules if students are consistently out of control? What the hell is going on here?

The inclusion of the words "may" and "try" on behalf of the teacher seems to suggest that the students have already seen the whites of his/her eyes and have opened fire. The minutemen are burning the supply depot while the red coats try to enforce the rule of law.

Here's hoping I can come up with something in between an idealist's wet dream and the "nefarious scheme" suspected by Calvin. Not that there's anything wrong with idealists - you kind of have to be one to be a teacher, after all.